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Unlocking the Parenting Puzzle; Navigating the Complexities with Self-Compassion and Growth

April 06, 20242 min read

 I am now sober and much more able to parent as a healed adult. Next challenge is leaving the kid’s snacks alone – I’m working on it! Ha! - Sarah Munn

Unlocking the Parenting Puzzle; Navigating the Complexities with Self-Compassion and Growth

Parenting, it seems to me, is a puzzle within a puzzle which leaves us not only scratching our heads, but hanging them in shame, befuddled with the complexities of such a simple and natural task. How the fuck am I meant to navigate this parenting gig with my particular children? 

 We live in a generation of different children, high societal expectations and ridiculous personal perfectionism of who we should be as people, all conspiring against us. How we should look, dress, speak, communicate online and how we should manage our children are all ever present.

Who we are deep in the very core gets called into question on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. And not only was there never a handbook, the toolkits we inherited are full of slaps and smacks and belittling words which destroyed the happiness of us and our own inner children we dragged along into parenthood with us. 

Ridiculed and berated as many of us were, or simply not seen and not heard, we developed an unhealthy inner sense of ourselves. It is often our inner children who are shouting, losing their shit and then suffering - wracked with shame - only to find ourselves opening a bottle of wine or raiding the packed lunch snacks in the pantry.

There is a way to move forward as a struggling parent. It starts with these 7 tips:

  1. Notice when your children trigger you and what is happening within

  2. Identify when you are hurting, shouting and having mini meltdowns

  3. Work out when immature parts of you are taking over

  4. Learn to love the previous versions of ourselves; the toddler, the teen, the younger adult - those who were hurt or traumatised

  5. Ask them to step aside and let you - the adult now - speak calmly

  6. Learn to embody yourself as an adult; the wiser, kinder, more loving self that we truly are deep down. The person we want to be

  7. Prepare yourself to come from your adult self to raise your children, while you nurture your own inner children to ease the pain

 It is from this understanding that an effective parenting process can be successful. Working with me includes a jolly good look at yourself in a supportive way, and with strategies to help you. Because if I can do it - you can too. I am now sober and much more able to parent as a healed adult. Next challenge is leaving the kid’s snacks alone – I’m working on it! Ha!

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Sarah Munn

Sarah Munn is an AHPRA Registered Occupational Therapist who has worked in health and education for over 30 years. Sarah is also an Animal Assisted Therapist and is the owner, CEO and clinical leader for Barefoot Therapists and Gadara Farm. Sarah specializes in working with parents on understanding neurodiversity, developmental disabilities and trauma to make family life more rewarding and joyful. Sarah has Autism, ADHD and PTSD and lives with her children who are also neurodivergent. Sarah has walked barefoot in many of her family’s shoes and has incredible empathy and understanding of client journeys and everyday challenges. She is also trained in Meditation, Trauma Sensitive Yoga and Reiki. Sarah has included animals, nature and farm work in the development and implementation of therapy programs since 2012 and is a leading occupational therapist teaching in this sector. Sarah supports therapists and educators to assess and train horses for therapy practice, and is competent in the use of Permaculture, Equiculture and Horticulture Therapy. Sarah blends a lifetime of lived experiences, clinical and personal learnings to bring a rich and enjoyable pathway for families, therapists and educators. She has created these amazing educational offerings with her Barefoot Therapists team of professionals including Occupational Therapists, Speech Pathologists, Art Therapists, Teachers and Dieticians. You can work directly with Sarah on her individual and small group coaching programs or access our online video courses. Feel free to browse through the learning options whether you are looking for possibilities and growth in your caring and supporting role as a parent, carer or professional.

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BOOK REVIEWS

Hagitude by Sharon Blackie

One of my less evidence-based and more woo woo choices which I recommend to people who are in the depths of the despair we call peri-menopausal, or heading into the more mature years.

Hagitude talks of the wisdom and acceptance of older age as women, and tells the myths and stories that surround us. Often as mothers we have our kids with additional needs at home longer, or forever. And unlike other kids still hanging around at home into their thirties and moving in with their partners, even having babies, some of our kids won't do that. They may not work, or have a purposeful activity every day, they may not drive, or be independent at home.

In these circumstances, that quest for self, for the sense of identity that we lost, for the search and essence of who we are, this acceptance and finding oneself in the greying years can be a magical transformation.

And the story telling in this book is a helpful and interesting addition.

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The Well Gardened Mind by Sue Stuart-Smith

This book is an intelligent review of the history of gardening. It has recollections of famous psychologists and artists and the affect that gardens, nature and gardening had on their lives.

From Freud to Winnicott these stories remind us of the inherent nature of gardening within the life of human beings, and the positive and mindful properties of beauty, flowers and the pant, grow, harvest and cycle.

Stuart-Smith takes us back to the first world war and the gardens built among the rubble of the trenches, and to the elderly who cling on to their window boxes and pots to stay present when there is not much time ahead of them.Her addition of photos including, ironically, Freud on his bed in the garden, provide a strong visual to the stories and accounts in the book.

I loved this book for its inspiration to remember that gardening is intrinsically mindful and meditative. There are great examples of garden design which I can include when we make our gardens at the new farm.

I want to create safe spaces where people can feel both safe, protected and free, and Stuart-Smith provides good impetus for this. I want to create spaces where mindfulness will be easier, and where we can engage in activities which allow us to be present. Personally this book reminded me to get outside and get dirt under my finger nails.

A great benefit for me on days when I find meditation difficult due to dissociation which I sometimes experience. I will certainly get my boys in the garden for mindfulness as much as I can. As they get older their interest in my ideas is fading and their own passions take over. But this book reminded me to persist with having them gardening, however dorky and boring they may find it.

Because this is sometimes more accessible than a seated meditation.

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Letting Go - The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins M.D., Ph.D.

This is a big book in so many ways. It is often referenced, packed with ‘aha’ moments and one of the cornerstones of this kind of modern thinking into our own process of letting go. 

If you are working on letting feelings come up, noticing them, not judging them, and learning to let them go, then this is a good addition to your reading list. 

Some parts I was a bit, ‘yes I already know this’, but then I would find myself thinking ‘Oh Gosh, that’s me, I can do that differently and get a more peaceful result.’

Well worth practicing these techniques if this kind of thinking suits your mindset. I would be surprised if many people didn’t take something away from this book. But it is long and maybe a good one for an audiobook road trip.

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The Language of Archetypes by Caroline Myss

I loved romping through this 12 hour audiobook packed full of archetypes, mystery and magic. Not to mention historical characters, Queens and Goddesses, I now recognise as part of who I am.

If you like pure evidence-based, scientific information this definitely is not for you!But if you don’t mind suspending disbelief a bit, it is quite entertaining and is delivered in the form of her live workshops.  Archetypes date back to Plato and were popularised in psychology by Carl Jung.

Caroline adds some modernisation to it all by extending beyond Jung’s 4 and 12, but I wonder if it waters down the pure form too much.  Caroline has a quirky manner which is very straight forward.I love her and think it’s hilarious. A touch of that autistic witchy no-nonsense about her.

I can imagine she would irritate some people though.If you want to find out if she is for you she has a lot of short YouTube videos on archetypes you can start off with.  I loved it, but I also took it with a pinch of curios, comedic salt.

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Acknowledgement to Country

We Respect and Acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of Country throughout Australia and their connections to the land, sea and community, and recognise the land on which we work is home to the Bunurong / Boon Wurrung members of the Kulin Nation. We pay our respects to all Elders past, present & future.

We meet the required standards for Insurance and Education.

Farm:

Gadara Farm

470 Boneo Road

Boneo, Vic 3939

[email protected]

Clinic:

Barefoot Therapists

1/16 Henry Wilson Drive

Rosebud Vic 3939

(03) 5981 1120

[email protected]

Sarah Munn Therapy Teachings

ABN 62307340650

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