Fear of Silence and the 5 Senses

Fear of Silence and the 5 Senses

It’s curious the things we are sometimes afraid of. We are afraid of both death and life, the natural world and the civilized world, the past and the present, certain foods and lack of food, processed water and natural water, heat and cold, people and isolation. Despite how absurd our fears often are, one of the most peculiar fears is the fear of nothing, the fear of silence itself.

This fear becomes evident when we observe ourselves. A wonderful opportunity to become aware often presents itself during a coaching session. A few months ago, my coach and I were exploring my desire to be more present and mindful. She asked me, “what are you doing in this very moment?” I replied that I was doing what I always did in these types of moments. I was fidgeting of course! The object of my distraction, in this case, was a thumb tack. My coach wisely asked me “I wonder what it is about the present moment that you’re avoiding?” This was one of the greatest “aha” moments of my life! I couldn’t access the present moment because I was rejecting it, I was absorbed in something else! You might even say that I was afraid of it. If I was avoiding the present in this simple interaction with my coach, where else was I not present?

In chronic pain coaching, this fear of silence often shows up in our coaching sessions. A client may be on the verge of a powerful statement. They pause, we start to sweat, we can’t handle it…1 second goes by, then 2, then 3…”we can’t have dead air in our coaching session, how awkward” we think to ourselves. Then we butt in and interrupt the moment of clarity our client was on the cusp of experiencing. Butting in with “Let me reframe my question…”

It's time to recognize this experience as another irrational fear. One that prevents us from seeing the true nature of reality in our personal life, and something that stunts our client’s growth and creativity during our professional life. To be a masterful coach, we must learn to embrace silence. By doing so, we uncover an incredible depth of coaching that allows for true human connection. One that is vulnerable and authentic.

How do we cultivate an authentic experience of silence? This can be challenging in our modern world. There is an endless and continual stream of information that is all competing for our attention. Tv, social media, podcasts, music. We don’t have to experience anything in silence if we don’t want to. In order to change this, we have to make a choice to experience what is actually here, even in moments of perceived silence. The truth is, there is no such thing as silence. There is always something going on. We need only to become aware of it. A good starting point is to begin with the five senses.

1.Hearing:

We might start by taking a walk in nature, observing ourselves without judgement. We may notice that a song we don’t even like is playing over and over in our head. We can observe it and choose instead to redirect our attention to the music that is happening all around us. The sound of the wind blowing, a bird singing, crickets chirping in unison. There is always something to listen to here and now. This takes continual practice to master, but through consistent self-observation, we will find that the mind will still and we will be more able to stay focused on the sounds of this moment.

2.Sight:

Many have said that the eyes are the windows to the soul.  They are also a window we look through to perceive what is here. Although our eyes may be open, we are often not seeing even a fraction of what is actually around us. For example, while taking a drive, you may become lost in thought. Images appear in your mind that aren’t real. We daydream about what we will do this weekend, what food we will eat for dinner, or what we saw last night on TV. Meanwhile, we miss and don’t notice real-life images that are right in front of us. A duck and ducklings on a pond, an apple tree bent over with the weight of its fruit, a rock formation in the shape of a heart.

3.Taste:

When we think of taste, food is often the first thing that comes to mind. And while this is our primary experience with taste, there are other ways to experience it. One subtle way to develop our sense of taste is to mindfully observe things like the taste of water. Is it sweet? Crisp? Bitter? We can even become adventurous in our pursuit of wild water and begin sampling local springs near us. A great resource for discovering natural spring water in your area is to visit a site like findaspring.org and begin experiencing the wonder of real water! Rather than mindlessly chugging down a glass a few times a day, we can gain so much by slowing down and observing this life sustaining substance and how it tastes in our mouths.

4.Smell:

Our sense of smell often connects us to past experiences. We might catch a whiff of something that reminds us of an old friend, a place we went on vacation or our childhood home. Our sense of smell is more powerful than we give it credit. A single smell can produce worry (a “hot” smell while driving) or relaxation (a lavender or chamomile tea before bed). Scent can be intentional, such as lighting a fragrant candle or using perfume or cologne. It can also be something we derive from the natural world. While hiking in nature, we might crush a sagebrush blossom or pine needle and give it a sniff. Or take in the salty ocean breeze or the richness of a mountain flower. Beautiful smells are everywhere and they ground us to the present moment.

5.Touch:

Life is so busy for most people that we have become completely unaware of touch. How many things in our surroundings do we interact with via touch during any given day? From the time our feet touch the floor in the morning to the time we brush our teeth at night, we make contact with hundreds of items. Every step is touch. Every time we open a door. Every dish we put in the dishwasher. Every time we run our fingers through our dog or cat’s fur. Every embrace from a loved one. Literally every moment of our day can be an opportunity to return to awareness of the sense of touch. It is an awareness that is ever growing, and it supports our work in becoming more mindful and present.

If you are a coach or aspiring coach who fears or avoids silence, take heart! Although our world has conditioned us to avoid it, we are more than capable of developing and cultivating a mindful presence that embraces silence. Through this work, we enrich not only our own lives, but the coaching experience of our clients. Profound wisdom is born out of silence and we can solve any problem, great or small. Comfort with silence be built through connection to the five senses, and it is absolutely life-altering.